I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I cut my penus on the lid.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
