I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
