Your dad touched me again.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
