we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
where are my eyebrows?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
