I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
