i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The struggles of a small town man whore
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
