What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
