Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
