Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
