If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
