I'm going to jail i love you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
