You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The struggles of a small town man whore
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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