True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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