Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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