She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
