i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
