I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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