this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
