how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
