I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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