one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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