Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
