I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
and i looked up. we had an audience...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
