someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
