what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
