The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
