just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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