My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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