You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
