So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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