ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
