my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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