I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
