i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize