How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
