I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
