Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
