the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
