you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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