By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
