tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
