You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
