It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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