my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize