If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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