This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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