He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
