my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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