maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
