u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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