whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
