remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
