We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
