Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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