he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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