be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
