Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
