Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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