Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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