next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
