my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
