this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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