Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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