They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
