He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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