This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
