dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
