i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
