Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
