No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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