i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
