In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize