Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
