she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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