He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize