i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
