Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
