At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
