why im i the only drunk person in the library?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
