I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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