i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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