Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
