The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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