i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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