im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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