I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
