you win again, gameday.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
