I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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