actually, I'm a sock model
We're facebook friends in real life
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
