Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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