Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
