Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
