she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
