btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
