1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
