And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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