my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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