i just wanna soil my oats bro
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
