he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
