If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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