Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
try to milk me bitch
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