Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
