a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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