a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
