I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
