I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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